tw: suicide Finding it really hard to accept that she’s gone. My nan was more like a parent than a grandparent to me and the bond we had will never be replicated again in my life. She was the most selfless, loving and caring person. Everyone who knew her will say she was one of a kind and they’d never met anyone like her. I was so lucky to have even known her in this lifetime let alone be her granddaughter. This is such a horrendous situation and the pain I’m in is just indescribable, but the one positive I can take from this is that I’m lucky to have had her in my life, even if it wasn’t for as long as it should have been. If you are struggling at all please reach out to someone in your life, there are more people who love and care about you than you even realise and your life is worth living. Reaching out for help can be really scary but future you will thank you for it. I asked for help earlier this year when I was having a mental health crisis, at the time I really didn’t see a way out and it felt never ending but I’m really glad I’m here today. Check in on your friends if they’ve been quiet for a while and hold space for them without judgement if they need to talk. There is such a huge stigma surrounding mental illness and suicide that people who need help feel like they can’t reach out to anyone. Talking openly about suicide saves lives and it’s something I will continue to do. Mental health is just as important as physical health and it’s just not treated as such. I am sending so much love to anyone currently battling suicidal thoughts, coping with mental illness or to anyone who has been bereaved by suicide (or to anyone currently grieving at all!) I haven’t really experienced grief before and especially not in a situation as complicated as this. It’s really confusing and overwhelming. I’m trying my best to get up everyday and get some Halloween content done because she loved seeing my posts. She was my biggest supporter in life and always believed in me. I love you so much Nan. Miss you more and more everyday. All I ask is that I become half the woman you were. Your Ells Bells xxx 🌻