🪩 the long game 🪩 i still remember how i felt the morning of this photoshoot, nervous, bloated and extremely unsure of myself and the physical vessel i was in. i honestly was second guessing coming to @guznenkova in the first place and wondered what kind of audacity was running through my veins when i booked this shoot. however the second i walked in she made me feel at home not just in the studio, but encouraged me to settle into "home" in my body. for a long time i have been battling feeling really unsure about how much muscle i have gained as a result of my pole practice. i am middle aged now and my body packs on muscle differently. it's almost protective in a sense, additional muscle around my elbows and shoulders to guard tender bones and ligaments from the rigors of pole dancing. at the root of it i am grateful to my body for this. there is utility to it for sure, but i would be telling a bold faced lie if i didn't also say that some days it feels like i am moving further away from a physical version of myself that was aligned with how i feel in my head. and that is really hard. every day is a small opportunity to not let the more negative feels run me over. it makes me even more grateful i pushed through with this one photoshoot- i look at these and it's hard to believe that strong and beautiful woman is also me. anyways this is not a pity post for sympathy, it's just an honest acknowledgement that bodies change and sometimes it's a journey to love and accept those changes. i really appreciate @tia_jax for her post this past weekend that encompassed so much about how these changes have been landing for me. shout out to all my fellow dancers 35+ learning to love these powerful vessels we're in ✨