Grief is big and heavy, shapeless and strange. I’ve never been good at dealing with it, despite the fact that I’ve been no stranger to it, either. I lost all my grandparents, my cousin, multiple uncles, my father, and my best friend before I was 30. The other day I found out that another friend of mine was gone. C’est la vie, but death has always presented itself so senselessly. Always too young, always too soon. Today I remember that friend, and all the other people lost along the way that I still feel so close to, even though they are so far away. 1.) This is Doug. Someone who made me promise that our geriatric dogs would become best friends once they moved to LA. Someone that shared birthday burgers online with me, and that I partook of the fabled Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug menu at a Portland Denny’s with. He passed away 2 months ago, and I didn’t know until now. The last message I sent him said “Hey bud, you alive?” 2.) This is Shane. My absolute best friend and guiding light from almost the minute I arrived in Tallahassee, FL for college. He showed me great music and good comics and bad whisky. He nicknamed me “Peachums” and always said “Keep your fingers out of the sugar bowl, Lindsey Jean!” The last time I saw him was an Old 97’s concert for his birthday. He left the world a few weeks later. In a few days it will be 12 years that he’s been gone, and I can still barely believe it. 3.) This is my father. Alleged Miami coke-runner (in his younger years), turned AMEX business guy, turned tile wizard. He always gave me the freedom to make mistakes. He held me to no standard of how a kid or a teen or an adult should act - possibly due to his keen understanding that he was in no position to judge. Seven years gone in August, and it doesn’t feel easier. I still see him in that hospital bed, hooked up to all those machines. All I could do that last week was hold his hand, and it has never felt like enough. I loved these people. I love these people. Maybe you knew them. Maybe you knew someone like them. Maybe we should all call our family more and tell people how we really feel just in case. Hold your people close, hug them tight, focus on the light ⛅️