this weekend felt like returning to myself a little bit, as time with my family and in nature tend to. joy is different after loss: weightier and always tinged with the knowing that it would feel more joyful if you could share it with that person you ache for. this weekend Mom was the wind that made the aspens dance, the moments of pure peace on a trail, the butterfly between Hallie and I on horseback, the memories of our trip together last fall, the kids talking about Sugie more than they’ve felt up to in a while, the first snow of the season on our last hike, the infinitely starry sky. she was in it all, right here with us and Somewhere far greater too.