Nothing can prepare you for the death of a patient. One of the hardest parts of residency training for me has been processing death when you don’t even have time to care for yourself. Last year, one of my patients passed away. From the moment I admitted her from the emergency department, she would pull out her little journal as she kept tabs on all of her symptoms, questions she had and noted important updates I would give her. She passed away within a few days, and while I understood that she had come to us near the end, it shook me. I had held a straw to her lips to help her drink water when she was thirsty as she deteriorated so rapidly. To be honest, I felt like that was the only thing I did to help her. A nurse paged me to examine her the day she died. Going through the death exam felt robotic. My team let the family know and somehow, I was in the hallway when her daughter came. I just hugged her, holding my tears as I prayed over her and her family. A few weeks later, she sent me a journal to remember her mother and to say thank you. At the time, I honestly didn’t know what would warrant a thank you. But now I see that being present and compassionate, giving someone a drink of water when they can’t, is much more meaningful when you’re sick and vulnerable. I started writing in this 5 year journal since January 1st and take it with me on trips for moments of reflection. I am praying that my heart stays soft throughout this training process as I navigate being present with people at their worst moments. Thanks for the lesson “Ms. Kay” #ososeetheworld