#ThotNaysh! New year; new peen to figuratively spread to while waiting for tangible sauseege to ding, dong, & dick us down. #WheresMyPeabody. Seriously, fuck a resoloosh. Let’s lean into our heaux ways by kicking off #ThirstyThursday 2023 w/a hottie we’d all let blow our Ba-racks out: philanthropist, NYT best selling author, & the 44th President of the United States: @BarackObama. ⠀ AND YES, IT’S CHAOTIC TO TAG HIM IN THIS. (Sorry, @MichelleObama!) BUT LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS. 😏🥴🤣 ⠀ Barack Hussein Obama II is THE blueprint for tenured peens: 1) #TeamAARP! At 61, B’s got a handle on the future (financially independent so we’ll can go hella vacays) & the past (can tell me what it was like to watch Earth, Wind, & Fire w/the original lineup.) 2) Seasoned good looks? The best thing that happened to him becoming Prez was m̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶t̶o̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶r̶s̶t̶ ̶B̶l̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶P̶O̶T̶U̶S̶ ̶ going from “cute guy in the organic soap department at Trader Joe’s” to, by the end of his presidency, “hot, responsible, dad in a Lifetime movie we’d all try to smash or burn down his house trying.” 3) Barry has controversial outfits on lock. Memba when he wore that tan suit & everyone freaked? Cut to me packing a sundress, hat, & lube cuz he was looking like we were gonna bone at the Kentucky Derby. HALP! ⠀ Seriously, Barold (running out of nicknames for him) is the complete package. Hot bod. Gorgeous smile. A walk so swaggy that I’d hide his Centrium silver vitamins in a diff spot in our house everyday just to watch him try & find them. But it’s not just lewks! ⠀ He’s a legendary orator who makes us laugh, think, & cry. A brilliant mind who’s mighty w/the pen. A good heart who wants to make the world a better place. An endless well of charisma that makes us lower our defenses & get vulnie. Hilarious, so that spending time w/him never gets old. Is a devoted husband to Michelle & father to Sasha and Malia. I stan a king who values family above everything. ⠀ Congrats, Barack, on being an iconic 🍌 ! You’ve set the standard. If you wanna make herstory by conquering another “A Promised Land” aka my vajeen, please don’t cuz Michelle would beat my ass! Love & light!