So, I stepped away from this account for a bit. Nothing in my life felt worthy of sharing. Everything was messy. Anything I did post felt...wrong. Lingering underneath the veneer of laidback captions and picked-up spaces, I was living in a perpetual fog of work-and-isolation-fueled depression; barely moving more than 10 feet a day and logging more hours looking at a screen than I was feeding myself, showering, or checking in on loved ones. I lost track of where work-Allie ended and real-Allie began. By January, something clicked. I had to do something. On days when I’d have rather collapsed in bed at 7 p.m. after a 12-hour work day, I grinded till 1 a.m. on portfolio overhauls and resume updates. I stared at the same 10 words and rearranged sentences until my vision blurred and the muscles in my legs cramped from sitting in the same position for 15 hours. I barely ate because constant caffeine and anxiety suppressed my appetite, and lack of hours in the day made anything other than staring at my laptop feel like a waste. (If not for @bujagram, eating dinner wouldn’t have ranked high enough on my priority list to justify.) I snapped at loved ones and ugly cried because I felt like I’d never be ‘me’ again. Sleep didn’t come easily, despite the exhaustion that plagued me all day. Still, I applied to jobs I didn’t feel worthy of—not due to a lack of experience, but because of the nagging voice that told me I’d never be good enough to get them. Along the way, small wins began to mount, and I began to see a light. I got to know my demons... and for once, was able to learn from them (without tearing myself to shreds). A new voice started to edge out the old one. It reminded me if I sought out positivity, I could (and would!) carve out a better path for myself. Little by little, I started to feel like myself again. I was able to speak about my accomplishments during interviews genuinely—I had a lot to offer—and employers took notice too. Finally, I landed a new gig...one that I’m still pinching myself over at that. (More on that soon! 😉) Sharing all of this not because it’s comfortable (it’s not! vulnerability f*cking sucks!) [cont. in comments]