Remember when you hated your body so much you deprived it of food? You grabbed fistfuls of skin and fat and cartilidge and imagined ripping it off of your bones. You would sweat until you almost fainted And allow the echo of hunger pains to encourage your starvation Receiving accolades from friends and peers and colleagues You wanted the hollowness of your heart to be mimicked in the hollowness of your collarbones Using the bones and points of your body as trophies in your efforts Remember when you used to look at clothing items and tell yourself you couldn't wear it because your body didn't have the shape of a specific fruit - as if fruit and fashion made more sense than decorating your glorious flesh. You refused to swim in cool waters And covered your thighs with thick denim Making sure that no one would know what size you actually were As if a quarter inch of fabric would hide the truth anyway. You used to run until you'd puke And track your food with smiley or frowning faces Hopeful that if you just chased the 1200 calories designed for a prison experiment that you too Would finally be accepted, loved, and not alone. Remember when all you'd talk about was calories in and calories out and good or bad or starting on Monday? You became the sun With Conversations Of food morality and inches lost swirling in an orbit around you Regardless of who you talked with. Remember how you knew the names of Atkins, Bernstein, Keto, Paleo, Grapefruit, Sugar-Free, South Beach, Weight watchers diets But couldn't name the equal amount of trees or nuts or planets or dogs or books or financial methods? You swore up and down that this time would be different as though your metabolism and genetics weren't already pre-decided and creating 95% of your results. Remember? 📸: @suebrycephotographer