The last 5 months have been everything I had not expected. Beautiful, painful, happy, sad, whimsical, uncertain, unplanned, extraordinary, peculiar. Brought low again… back to my knees. Toes in the dirt. I haven’t shed this many tears in a while. Reminded again of my desperate need for Jesus and the truth that only He alone can fill the longing in my heart… fear of being misunderstood and concerned that I even have that fear. FOMO. Giving up what others would call “great opportunities.” Submitting my life and plans to the Lord again and again. He is THE reward. Reminding my soul of His unfailing, perfect and otherworldly leadership. Humbled; sometimes i miss the mark. Aware of my shortcomings. Reminded of who I am; concerned at times that I have forgotten. Reminded of who The Lord is. I miss playing piano. I miss singing. I miss UR family. I miss writing. Realizing that songs are being written in my heart during these months of living. Wondering “am I failing?” Wondering “will I regret?” Wondering “or maybe I’ll celebrate?” Using my imagination for good things. Wanting to please the Lord. Learning to love. Learning to forgive. Learning I cannot please everyone. Learning to be a better friend, daughter, sister, woman. Learning to let go. Learning a whole lot. Times where my heart is aching. Times where my heart is joyfully dreaming. Being a child again. In love with my best friend. Excited to be closer to him soon. Moving. Celebrating. Embracing time. Okay with being still. Breathing in. Looking ahead; moving forward. Surrendering my heart and life to Jesus daily. Aware that I am human… and aware that He, in all of His majesty and BIGness, would care for us this much.