I don’t typically share much about my dating life on here but I want to feel more open and vulnerable with you. I’ve have always been in relationships since I was 19. Having low self-esteem as a young man I craved validation and reassurance, and I felt the need to get it from a partner. One after another, I would get into long term relationships with the first person that showed any sign of interest. “You want me? But i’m me, so messy, so unsure, so incomplete.” The idea that someone was sure enough to choose me was enough for me to say yes, because out of everyone?? they chose me!? Somewhere along the way in these relationships, I felt myself playing smaller, whether or not it was intentional. I felt my light being dimmed. I’ve had so many partners say “do you have to dress like that? why do you wear makeup you’re so cute without it!”. Its one thing to hear it from strangers... but it cuts deep when it comes from someone you love and are the most vulnerable with. Now rationally I know they’re just projecting their own internalized femphobia, but damn, it still hurts. During my hiatus I decided to take a break from dating altogether. I’ve realized that I needed so much more time to heal. I needed to practice boundaries with dating, learn to stand on my own. I did therapy for a couple months, spent time with friends, and most importantly learned being comfortable in bed with just myself. I used to think that I was missing out on love because I didn’t have a partner, but when I look back on my these months, my life was FULL of love. There’s so much love that it’s pouring from the brim! And that’s when I realized that my life can’t be devoid of love because I am LOVE. And it radiates through all the little interactions, texts, hugs that I give and receive. I hope if you’re reading this and you’re going through heartbreak, pressures from society, or something similar... That you give yourself the grace and time. Heck, it took my more than a year and i’m still learning to open up. I just wanted to let you know that you are enough, single or otherwise. Someone coming into your life is a bonus, because you are already complete. 🫶🏻 Sending you love always ❤️ -Ivan