If your default story about their motivation is a negative intention, you will react as being defensive, because you're ready for a fight. ⠀ It is a form of self-sabotage, a coping skill that develops if you grew up in a punitive and blame-oriented family (one type of childhood emotional neglect). It’s protection, on over-drive. ⠀ Assuming negative intent keeps you trapped in an old narrative. This looks like: 🔸When they ask a question about something you said, you think it means they're criticizing you. 🔸When they make a request, you think it means they are demanding it. 🔸You aggressively state what you need, assuming they will push back, instead of communicating assertively. ⠀ Assuming positive intent means being curious: 🔸questions as criticism, ask yourself: does my partner simply want to know more or doesn't understand what I said? 🔸requests as demands, ask yourself: is my partner sharing what they need, and now we can have a discussion on this? 🔸your need will be rejected, ask yourself: will my partner be open to what I have to say, and maybe we won't fully agree but can work towards a common ground? ⠀ Negative assumptions aren’t always wrong & you don’t have to give people the benefit of the doubt all the time. But constantly assuming negative intent will erode emotional trust and lead to being trapped in a cycle of conflict. This doesn't mean positive-washing everything, but countering your negative assumption with a positive one to strike a balance. ⠀ Cultivating a curious mindset, exploring the context for people's behavior, will open you up to more emotional connection. ⠀ Follow @well.guide for more daily content on how to build healthier relationships & improve self-awareness. ⠀ #millennialwomen #emotionalwellbeing #beauthentic #vulnerabilityisstrength #relationshipquotes #relationshipadvice #relationshipadviceforwomen #emotionalhealing #healyourself #innerchildhealing #datingadvice #datingtips #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #relationships101 #bevulnerable #selfcompassion #humanexperience #emotionalsafety #emotionalintimacy #Emotionalgrowth #relationshiptips #emotionalintimacy #fightfair #conflictresolution ⠀