my friend reminded me of how much i love the band “the innocence mission.” or i should say i did a long time ago. they’ve been putting music out consistently it seems like, and i have a lot of catching up to do. this is my favorite song of theirs. “i remember me.” from the first album. in 1989 it was my favorite song. it meant one thing to me. as i listen to it today it’s completely different. i lost myself in a toxic relationship for 15 or so years. i became someone awful - depressed, abusive, cheated on, lied to, alcoholic and unrecognizable. i’ve been trying to become someone else in the last 6 months. NOT someone i was before - but the person i can be next. remembering me from before has actually become important in that process. not so that i can return to him, but so that i am reminded that i am more than i have become. “i know who i am. i mean i think i should know who i am...” i’ve become fat. i’m in a lot of pain physically as i laid around in a bed of depression and wine for a few years. my self esteem and body image have been destroyed after years of being lied to and deceived about sex and eventually completely shut out. i’m angry. way too angry, and i want the anger to go away. btw i’m angry at myself mostly. but him too. i haven’t always been like this. “i remember me.” i was once energetic. the life of the party. insecure, but not disabled. sexy and sexual. passionate. difficult but loyal. i want to be healthy again. sexy and sexual. loyal. energetic. i want to work hard and have passion. “i remember me...in the back of my head...in the middle of the night.” anyway - it’s a great song. listen to it.