The moment I looked back at @johnnysibilly and lost my sh*t. This was at about the 5 minute mark I’d guess... I have never in my life felt so validated, for my hard fought wins, for the journey, for the work. It took me a minute to write about this because I am still processing what it means. 11.5 minutes of 1000+ people staring at you and clapping is something that changes you forever. Especially when you come from where I come from. After I left the theatre I went to the bathroom and sobbed. I kept having flashbacks to times in my life when I felt less safe. I was left trying to connect the dots from the young trans girl hustling by night in the west village to the woman being applauded for her art on the oldest stage in cinema. “What does this mean” is the question I kept asking myself in the minutes and days after, as the feeling of safety started to run away from me again. Would we get distribution, would people take themselves to the theatre and actually watch, will this ensure my next gig is around the corner, will I be able to buy a little house someday, take care of my mom when she’s older and can’t care for herself, start a production company and tell more stories of trans and GNC folks?... what does this mean? That’s where my mind goes when I get a win. Ain’t that something? So for now I am trying to stay in the gratitude and the knowing that I am so proud of that little trans girl who fought tooth and nail for her place in this world. Even though it always feels like I’m waiting for the world to catch up to us. Here’s to the journey, and here’s to all the MONICA’s out there. I love you. #monicafilm