It’s my birthday but it doesn’t feel like YAY to me I feel like I’m not the full version of myself I battle with jealousy and ego often even though I catch myself in the midst of it it’s still there and I feel like shit for it and it’s so cold in my veins I wish I could flip a switch and be where I want to be my life is nowhere near where I thought it would be. I cry almost everyday now and ask myself if I really actually need to be alive and the only reason I am is cause it would hurt my family and friends if I wasn’t. everyone always sees me as that happy ass person that makes everyone else at ease but there’s the other side of me nobody sees the emotional wreck full of confusion and comparison to others always. This year I want to experience ego death I want to get closer to god I want to hear his voice clearly again I want to manifest how I was when I first started in this music/art shit before I soaked up so many energies tryna be what everyone needed for them and not for me. I’m over it. And if I can’t figure that out the universe will remove me. But I will. I’ve been around people the last year that have helped me so much and done so much for me and I couldn’t figure out how to do the same because I was stuck fully in my head fighting myself everyday. I love my brother A.B and he’s changed my life in the short time knowing him I appreciate him and love him. Definition of unconditional love. And more friends that want to actually hear when I’m going through stuff. Honestly I just want to make music and have energy again. And I will. It’s time. I miss my brother a lot and I miss my mom I haven’t seen in years. I can’t even pick up the phone and call my grandma because of the anxiety of me telling her I’d do something for her and not following through. I’m done with all that I’m leaving it in the past. I’m sorry to whoever feels I did them wrong in some way and I’d love to talk about it. All the things that have been eating me up I’m ready to face and remove from my life. I won’t be living the same anymore. And my love is genuine and true to all my friends and family I know that no matter what demons are in my head at the time tryna sway me. I’ll be okay.💞