I know I owe you guys some fit checks, but I’ve been lost in thought. this realization was a pretty monumental personal breakthrough. so, I thought I’d share it in the off chance it resonated with one of you. grief is not linear and no two losses are the same, which has made finding solace within quotes and books surrounding loss a bit of a challenge for me (it could also be my lack of acceptance towards the whole “my mom is dead” part). but reluctantly, slowly and painfully, I am accepting it. and god, is it a heartbreaking thing to accept. as much as I hate sitting with this reality, these little (huge!) realizations have provided me a new understanding and comfort within an otherwise shitty and majorly uncomfortable truth. my stomach tightens and tangles into knots every time I think about her not being here. why do we have to lose people we love so much? is it really to teach us even more about love??? couldn’t have picked another fucking route, universe/god/whoever you are? well, I guess there’s a point to the pain... and here’s my first identifier. oh!!!! I also recently decided to ask my mom to show me a sign (thank you @tara_stilwell for sharing your story—the push I needed). I thought about something she loved, her favorite color, and the way she liked to spark a little joy in someone’s day. if she finds her way to me, I may share it... but for now that’s just between her and me ❤️