When I decided to become a professional artist 16 years ago, I had no idea how much I’d give up to get to be “successful”. How many gatherings, road trips + fun times I’d miss out on for work, to prove to everyone and to myself that I could be a full time artist. But in the process of doing what most thought I couldn’t, I lost touch so much of what inspired me to paint in the first place. Time outside trickled away and nearly dried up in the past years as my goals took over my life. As my drive to “make it” as an artist took the wheel. As the dream of moving here to Norway meant we were going to save up and then spend most of our money getting here... so we worked. Took only a handful of days off for 800 days straight. As I became so fixated on “success” in the traditional way, I stopped feeling successful even when things were going so “well.” What I’ve come to realize in a deep, soul-knowing kind of way, is that what makes me happy looks nothing like what I thought it would. While I am so proud of what I’ve accomplished in the past few years, while it WAS worth it to move here... it simply wasn’t sustainable anymore. Because what makes me happy is having more freedom in my days, wanting less, being more open to spontaneity. It’s sharing meals and sunsets with friends. What makes me happy is studying astrology + human design + learning to ritualize my daily life. It’s learning to live more for me and less for the system, less for proving that my life is good enough from the outside but suffering on the inside. What makes me happy is skinny dipping in mountain lakes and painting when I feel like it, and not just to fill a square on this app. Trying to make a positive impact but not at the cost of my well being. I’d be completely lying through my teeth if I said I have everything figured out, I don’t think any of us ever really do. But I know that for the first time in a long time, this chapter of painful transformation feels like it’s going to be worth it. Like it already is, and like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, learning what I’m meant to, to become who I’ve always had the potential to be.