i am incapable of finding the words to express the profound impact this experience has had on me. to describe the joy, the pride, the gratitude, the bewilderment, and the billion other things swirling in my heart are impossible to convey, but i will share this: when i was 4 years old, my favorite costume at wesley memorial preschool was the cinderella dress with high heels. thank goodness nobody told me that i couldn’t wear them, because that big crooked smile on my face when i twirled around in it was a gift. i’ve thought a lot about those moments throughout this experience. how free i felt. how the world hadn’t told me yet that i was not supposed to feel that free. i’ve thought a lot about what it would be like for a version of me in the interim to have seen me in this light. for the lonely 13 year old that thought he had no friends to see that thousands of people will love and respect him for all of who he is. for the tired 19 year old that wanted to quit acting to see that he only needed to push a little longer to find that his body is not a burden, but a gift to his art making. for whoever i was at 21 years old, who needed a lot. and a lot of healing. i would love for those iterations of myself to have seen this show. because little did i know, i had it all figured out when i was 4 years old at wesley memorial preschool. put on a dress. twirl. smile. the universe will send some gnarly shit to distract me, but it’s all noise. everything i need to be free exists in my spirit. i have a separate post to share the immense gratitude i feel to all the people that made this experience possible for me, but today, i’ll say this: “matheus, look what you did. you should be so proud.” Kinky Boots (dir. Alexa Goldstein) at Cahn Auditorium 📸: Joanne Haner, Seeger Gray