We’ve all heard the trope of the grandfather who upon hearing his grandchild lament the early morning bus ride to school responds with “well, in my dad I had to travel across the snow, with no shoes, just to get to school”. While light hearted, this is an example of one person dismissing another person’s complaint because of the hardships they’ve experienced themselves. The concept of Destructive Entitlement comes from Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy and his work in Contextual Therapy. Nagy used this term to describe how individuals who have been treated unfairly or harmed in relationships may feel entitled to act in ways that are harmful to others, often without realizing they are perpetuating cycles of harm. We can all do this from time to time as a means to stay in a one up position and protect ourselves and it’s ultimately destructive to relationships. Instead, we can learn to build awareness of how we are feeling, take accountability for our part, and take a deep breath when we have fantasies of revenge, looking toward how to heal resentments.