The first stage of grieving feels almost like a misunderstanding Of self Of everything around you Every word, every situation, every altercation I disassociated from reality... it was easier this way When it all came crashing down it wouldn’t hurt as much “What reality is this” The question my mind could not stop asking I was losing everything My sense of self My mind My relationship My friends My home My job My love My reality It felt like my humanity switch had flipped and I was stuck in a pool of numbness This couldn’t be real, I had it all no? No, no I was fine He would come back, he said he loves me She would need me, she said I’m her best friend They will want me, they said I am talented I would be ok, I helped so many, it was their turn to help me now The darkness consumed me whole and I found a way to make myself comfortable I’d cracked, the woman the world knew was no more Unrecognizable to even my own self What reality was I in? The reality of delusion The reality of numbness The reality of confusion The reality is loss This was my first stage This was Denial #jasminenichole