Before I knew what grief was, when I was faced with a grief or mourning, I’d retreat into sympathy. I confused it with compassion. But what I was in fact doing- was pulling away from the grieving person, saying “oh, poor YOU.” I was unconsciously erecting a shield by feeling sorry for them. I offered platitudes and “fixes”. I had no understanding how shallow this was, how little I helped. When I was plunged into my own world of grief, I learned first hand how little I had offered. Sympathy is not empathy. A grieving person does not need your sympathy. Grief requires empathy. What is empathy? Empathy is being present and witness. That’s all. Holding the hand of the grieving, and letting them do or say what they need to say. We are all good at some things and not so great at others. If your friend is grieving, do what YOU are good at. If you’re action oriented, do not tell them how to fix their grief. Bring food. Clean their house. Watch their kids. If you’re nurturing, do not offer platitudes. Hold their hand and cry with them. Do it, and then go to replenish your own reserves. Getting lost in the labyrinth of someone else’s grief does you both no good. Do what you can, and trust others will do the same. But remember that to “pity” someone is to step away instead of stepping up. A membership in the Grief club is as undesirable as it’s unavoidable. By being a member, you suffer. But your suffering can eventually expand your world, and make your corner of the world a better, kinder one. #grief #griefthoughts #betweenjloandbettywhite #messykitchen #nofilter #justme I write about this and a lot more in my upcoming book No Filter, available by preorder now. Click link in bio.