Tomorrow I turn 33. For the first time, I feel more anxious than excited. This past year, and especially the last few months, have challenged me in ways that i could have never imagined. I have grieved jobs, relationships, versions of myself, and a life I thought I would already have by now. I have felt more lonely than ever, and some days, even existing feels like giving more energy than i can bear… Moving back home has not been easy for me. What was meant to be a temporary transition turned into a year long hold, a period which completely took me out of the routine I had been living for 10+ years, and forced me to sit alone with myself, without my usual distractions, without the illusion that I could outrun my feelings. And as I write this on the eve of my 33rd birthday, I realize that, while this year has caused me significant pain, it has also catalyzed extreme transformation. I am learning that having big emotions is not a curse or weakness, but a strength, even if it makes me feel more alone. One that makes me deeply empathetic, loving of animals and people, fiercely loyal to friends, capable of holding space for others even when down, seeing the bright side in situations, and keeping hope alive even when it seems impossible. These emotions, although big, make me human in a world that often asks us to be numb. I still struggle. I often feel afraid of how fast time is passing, scared of being left behind or abandoned, scared of staying still while everyone seems to move forward, waiving goodbye while they go. Admittedly, there are often still times where giving up feels easier than pushing through another day. But, I know the younger version of me would be proud. Proud that despite all of the struggles, I am still standing, choosing softness, perseverance and hope, in a season that hardened me. This is your reminder that you truly never know what a person is carrying. The smiles, posts, milestones, do not tell the full story, ever. Please be kind with one another, and show yourself love. Growth is not always linear. Here’s to 33, to becoming and healing every day, in real time and in a raw fashion. You are loved and right where you are meant to be❤️❤️❤️