Someone told me once they wished I wouldn’t talk about how I had a baby out of wedlock. They said I was encouraging the trend and that it was glorifying my reckless behavior and making it appear beautiful. That’s definitely one way to interpret a family photo I post. I’ll never be able to control what people think of me and definitely not my Instagram. I’m learning to be okay with being misunderstood. The truth is, I hadn’t thought about it for a long time... that decision or that it ever could have been different. But, this summer a few things tumbled in our life at once and when I looked at my son, my heart swelled thinking how proud I was of him and I wondered, for the very first time, if I had made the right decision. I had never allowed myself to wonder, I was always so sure. And that wonder was the most painful and lonely place my thoughts have ever taken me. Even just the tiniest sliver of thinking maybe someone could have given him better, crushed my soul in a way that felt completely suffocating. So, I’ve thought about it a lot lately, eight of the sweetest years of my life and if they came from selfishness. I don’t think marriage changes if someone can be a good mom. But if anyone is looking, I do have a long list of how my timeline made things much harder than if I would’ve done them the way they taught me in church class. Maybe there is someone out there that wouldn’t have had to put him in preschool when he was a baby. She may wake up every day and make fresh baby food, be really good at keeping a schedule, and take him to Disneyland more than once a year. Today, I’m not sure if I made the right choice for Franklin. I’m working through it. What I am sure of, is that there has not been a single day I have wished it any other way. I am certain no one could have loved him harder or dreamed for him bigger. I know that a really beautiful life can come even after reckless behavior. My post isn’t for everyone, it’s for someone whose life went a little different than planned and they’re looking for hope. For someone to tell them it’s going to be okay. It’s for me.