The fall after I had my second baby was really hard. At first I thought it was because I had a really fussy baby and hated being on maternity leave. But it slowly occurred to me that something was off with me, mentally, not just my baby. I distinctly remember texting my husband at at work just saying... something is wrong. Apparently, it was October 8th [picture]. I remember crying as I wrote this message with sharpie on my breastmilk freezer bag. I remember feeling like NO ONE understood just how bad i felt because it didn’t “look” like postpartum depression (which it wasn’t), and I wasn’t struck down with some visible physical illness (maybe then I would have gotten some help? *Bitter laugh*) It was more internal, stuff only I could see, and sometimes my husband. Bouts of crying, night and day, often while laying on the floor. Midnight exasperation and resentment toward my baby girl. Relentless fear of getting fired because my baby would cry during virtual meetings. My mind making my body physically sick. Heart racing... Anxiety attacks and hearing things. Constantly spinning mind, intrusive thoughts and rage and paranoia, so much nausea. Unable and maybe unwilling to bond with my new baby because of all this.” “Something needed to change.” For sure. For sure, but how? I talked to a maternal wellness counselor who helped me realize it was Postpartum Anxiety. I met with a therapist to develop tools for this anxiety. I got some help at home. Got dietary and sleep help for my fussy baby, who did a 180 and turned into a delightful child. Going back to work helped immensely. Voicing my issues to a few close friends helped. People don’t always believe or realize what you’re going through... and sometimes you’re afraid or unsure about how to ask for help.” “But please momma. Please know that you are worthy of receiving help. Please know that postpartum depression, rage, and anxiety are REAL ILLNESSES and can be treated. You and your baby deserve it.” ✨✨✨ Content via @pump_momma_pump ✨ #postpartum #postpartumjourney #postpartumanxiety #postpartumdepression #ppd #ppa #postpartumom #postpartumwarrior #postpartummomsneedsupport