TW: Pregnancy Loss Mentioned Aug 3, 2020, at 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I went in for my first ultrasound. Everyone told me not to expect much, that it was still too early to see anything. They were wrong. That day, I saw my little girl for the first time and heard her loud, beautiful heartbeat. I couldn’t believe it. There was a life inside of me. A life that I made with my husband. On Sept 30, 2022, at 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant, my doctor confirmed that my second pregnancy was ending in miscarriage. The irony isn’t lost on me. I knew that my initial low beta numbers likely meant the worst, and I was under no delusion about it, but I held out hope. So much so, that I ignored my doctor’s direction to discontinue my medication and kept taking it until a 2nd beta confirmed that the embryo was no longer developing. Any chance was still a chance, and I wanted to give this baby every possible opportunity to be the miracle we hoped for. I spent the weekend with CYO, Eisenhower and Yve, trying to keep it together, catch up with work, bring things down to the basement, drop off those lingering Amazon returns, to try to feel normal. I had to make the awful text rounds to tell my closest friends/family that I was having a miscarriage. It felt like a dirty word when typed it. It made me feel like I was admitting there was something wrong with me. I never thought I’d be a woman sharing a miscarriage story. That was never going to be ME. I didn’t have “fertility problems.” I “gene tested my embryos.” I had the “best clinic.” I had the “best doctor.” I’m “healthy.” I did everything “the right way.” But it’s me. I’m the statistic. I’m the 1 in 4 pregnancies that end too soon. I don’t have much to say, except I’m sorry to my friends who have gone through this. I’m sorry for being the person who tried to help you find a silver lining when there was none. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us/kept fingers and toes crossed/thumbs tucked, and especially those who experienced their own losses but still found it in their hearts to keep hope alive for us. I’m okay and will be okay. And we will try again when the time is right. I’m hopeful we’ll get our rainbow baby.