After what has felt like a very long time, I finally have my surgery date! A week from tomorrow (Monday the 26th) I will have my third and hopefully last brain surgery. I have stepped away from sharing all things cancer for the last week and a half because I simply needed to. If you knew every time I was having a rough day you would be seeing a whole lot more of me on your feed. It’s my choice to share whatever I want.. or don’t want. A huge part of advocating is knowing your limits, setting boundaries and following them. My boundaries this week were firm. I’m learning a lot about myself this third go around. I’ve realized that when I’m anxious I do NOT want to be touched. I’ve discovered that journaling is a major stress reliever for me. I’m starting to understand that it’s not only okay for me to start saying no to things I don’t want to do... but it is highly encouraged... and it feels awesome! (As a serial people pleaser that’s pretty major for me!) I’ve also accepted that it isn’t fair for me to put so much pressure on myself to show the world what having cancer means. That isn’t my job. Advocating is something I don’t love doing, but I do love the tangible impact it can make on my community. I LOVE knowing that I will one day be a part of finding a cure. I hope AYA cancer patients see someone in me who understands how they feel. I hope they see that even people like me who look all put together and “inspiring” also have breaking points and moments of intense sadness, frustration and doubt. With this being said, it is a lot of pressure to feel like I always need to put together or to have the exact right words. It’s not reasonable to believe I can always find a silver lining or some optimism through every tragedy. It’s okay to not want to advocate. It’s okay to want to advocate and not know how. It’s normal to not know what is helpful or how to ask for the things that are. I’m at a point right now where I’m so frustrated and disappointed that all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and try my best to live the life I know I deserve to have. Trying my best is being satisfied with just good enough to get by, and that’s where I am 💜