It’s my birthday! And I’m so grateful to be alive! Where to start? It has been a hell of a year... or decade really. Ten years ago, as a punk rock, guitar-playing “outsider,” I half-jokingly entered a beauty pageant. I did it because my Mom would have loved for me to do something like that and secretly, I always wanted to be “girly.” I had absolutely NO IDEA what I was doing and summoned the help of my most beautiful and capable friends @caitieriane @lashipton. In what looked like a scene from a 90s movie, they shook their heads at my fashion choices, taught me how to do my makeup, helped me learn to walk in heels and more importantly, told me that I could do anything I put my mind to. With the help of a village, I’d go on to compete at @missusa and @missamerica. The blessing and the curse of entering contests like that is that it gives you incredible motivation and a timeline to prepare for “the big show;” but at the same time, only one person walks away the “winner.” If you’re not that person, you’re left scrambling to find out what comes next. Apparently, I’m a masochist and I just keep doing that to myself: Class President, Homecoming Queen, Miss USA, Miss America, the @si_swimsuit Swim Search and on and on. Spoiler Alert: I lost every single contest. Each time I felt lost and discouraged. But if there’s anything that my Mom taught me, it’s that you get one good “boo hoo” after a defeat... then you get back up and try again. She told me that every successful person’s life is just a string of failures until the big win... and that the difference between success and failure is the very thin line of “one more try.” I can confidently say that this year has been the best of my life. Despite never being the winner of the “big show,” I found my voice and truly realized what an incredible journey I’ve been on. I took everything that I’ve learned along the way and channeled it into my non profit @theprevivor. And I wake up every day to messages from women all over the world who have been better able to manage their predisposition to cancer. No “title” can top that. And somehow @anthonymgomes managed to capture EVERYTHING in this video so BRB... crying.