Things I’ve learned over the past 8 weeks of keeping a small human alive. 1. You’ll spend more time looking at and thinking and talking about poop than you could ever imagine. 2. Newborn life is not necessarily the blissful experience you’re told it will be. It’s fucking boring. You have to learn how to do everything one handed. And even when they smile at you, they’re still not telling you what the fuck is wrong. It is pretty cute tho. 3. Listen to your intuition. Try not to google too much. 4. Willby’s - great for gassy babies. 5. Any amount of $$ spent to help you sleep is money well spent. 6. How funny is it that I thought pregnancy was hard. 7. Sometimes brushing your teeth is an act of self care. 8. Take ALL the food from people. Same goes for offers to go to the supermarket or get you coffee. Rely on the kindness of loved ones, neighbours and strangers. 9. I wish I’d been a more considerate friend to my pals with newborns/ kids - and complained less to them about how tired I was. 10. I wish I’d been nicer to my mum. 11. Fed is best - full stop. 12. You’ll cry everywhere. All the time. And unless you want people to feel sorry for you (fair - it has helped me jump a few queues), or to have your forearm awkwardly pat by your local chemist warehouse pharmacist, wear sunnies. This also helps with covering the eye bags. 13. This too shall pass etc etc. although I’m still waiting. 14. Babies are f*cking cute. Esp your baby.