choosing joy today. choosing joy tomorrow. choosing joy always. my deadname (or name given at birth) was gender neutral. a lot of people have asked me why i didn’t just keep it and why i chose “Eva.” there are a lot of ways i’ve answered those questions over the years, but the best answer comes down to the meaning of my name. in hebrew, Eva means “life” deriving from Eve of the bible. i chose Eva because i chose life. i chose myself. i chose autonomy which is something we should all have. unfortunately there are a lot of negative forces at play trying to take away the bodily autonomy of anyone who isn’t a cisgender man. my heart is heavy thinking about all the legislative attacks against us who exist beyond the margins, but at the same time, i know we’ll get through it. trans people, especially Black trans women, have always found ways around these made up systems, and we’ll do it again. seeing this first image of myself brought me so much joy. despite my career choice, it can be difficult to see images of myself. this summer has been a whirlwind for me personally, and as i see more and more images of myself, sometimes i feel pretty off kilter. sometimes i feel dysphoric. sometimes i feel completely outside of my body. but more and more, i feel proud. when i was younger, i avoided having my picture taken. i made my friends delete photos of me constantly. it became such an issue, but at a certain point, i had to just let some things go. obviously i felt more comfortable with myself when i started hormones, but even then, it was a struggle. i think any young person coming up in the age of social media struggles with this, but for trans people, it’s twofold. it’s also such a joyous feat to find images that don’t evoke a plethora of negative feelings, but immediately induce euphoria. i hope that every trans person out there whether you’re living life out loud or not is able to keep pushing through the bullsh*t this society tosses our way and can create more joy in our lives. it’s necessary. 📸 @jasonthomasgeering // outtake from @ceromagazine