The first few phases of a breakup are like the stages of grief. There’s shock, denial, anger, blame. No matter what heavy emotion you feel about this person, the relationship, and the breakup, give yourself the space to feel it all. Feel the shock and the denial. “I can’t believe it. How did we get here? What happened?” Understand that this is disbelief, the inability to accept the reality of the situation. If you’re overwhelmed with these emotions, talk about it to a therapist or a friend. Journal. Cry it out. Feel the anger and the blame. These emotions are the heaviest and can last a long time. Anger and blame can quickly turn to resentment — toward them and you. Maybe you’re angry at them for not treating you with respect or you’re angry they ended the relationship out of the blue. Maybe you’re angry at yourself for ignoring the red flags or for accepting the bare minimum in the relationship and for staying as long as you did. “When you’re angry at yourself or even at your ex for the demise of your relationship, that’s you trying to make sense of what happened by determining whose “fault” it is, who to blame,” psychologists say. Anger hides the underlying feelings of hurt, disappointment, and grief, but eventually, it will crumble away, and the sadness will uproot itself. This sadness is burdening. You’re hurt, devastated, and maybe even missing them. You’re grieving the relationship, the life you built together, and the future you envisioned. This grief will come and go, so don’t allow yourself to drown in it, ride it out until it calms.