My hair had always been long, thick, and dark and I would get compliments on how beautiful it was daily. When I was told I would lose my hair due to treatments I refused to watch it fall out. I took charge of the situation and invited 50+ of my friends to all come cut a piece off. It was something I didn’t have to do alone. It turned the awful situation of losing my hair into an almost fun memory I have with friends. We put glitter on our faces, cut my hair into some GNARLY styles, and made light of truly shitty situation. The first time I saw myself bald I was surrounded by my friends, and I felt beautiful. I don’t always feel so beautiful now. When people make comments it’s hard not to remember the full head of hair I had for 18 years. A bald spot to you is a massive annoying reminder that I am unlike the rest of the world to me. As hard as I try to not let it get to me, it definitely does. It’s not the same everyday. Sometimes it bothers me less than other days. Some days I don’t mind if people ask to see it or touch it, some days I wear hats so no one ever had to know. Some days I’m embarrassed and some days I simply don’t care. I finished the book Paper Towns today. It made me contemplate whether or not I’m made of paper... whether or not I’m superficial for caring about something as silly as hair when at least I’m alive. The more I think about it the more I realize I’m not superficial. Im not made of paper. Im made of emotions and feelings that I haven’t let myself feel in a long time. Even if they are about hair. You lose much much more than just your hair when you have cancer. The lack of hair, whether it be an inch wide or your whole head is just a constant and visible reminder. I think about this day often. It was the first time I felt okay since the initial diagnosis. I’ve had a lot of bad days recently. Worrying about friends, thinking about my future... but I’m okay now too... just in a different way. Something that has helped me stay optimistic has been planning my funds next big event! We are having a Holiday Cabaret!!! Click the link in my bio to buy tickets to my upcoming show on Dec. 23rd which will benefit cancer families.💜