I used to be a shame addict, until i grew up to a realization how difficult it actually can be to chose the best humanity for yourself. It’s complicated for everyone & we make it harder for eachother. But i was especially hard on myself, for not doing everything exactly the way I envisioned it, for not doing everything exactly how other people envisioned it for me. I was that way for others too. I shamed people all the time for the same things, & I connected that to my sincere desire to see change, even though, the way I was behaving to myself & others wasn’t bringing me closer to that goal & vision. In fact i realized it was creating, in many cases the opposite effect. In order for me to be better, I had to be kind to myself, not be so hard on myself, encourage myself to do better every time & give myself credit for loving myself enough to do anything at all, for receiving anything at all. Having survived & lived for only 27 years as a human, believing I knew exactly how to do America-righteous human Gen Z. I credit the people- my friends, and my mother who love and know me for this healing revelation. They remind me my history, my fight, successes & centered that in their analysis for what progress they were noticing in my life, while being honest with me with where I can explore improvement. Growth, change can be inviting, loving, kind, warm. In order for me to heal from all the hurt that inspired me to try and be a version of ‘perfect’ that would ultimately set me up for hypocritical failure, i decided that I would need to let go of perfect, and take on the best of my heart & learn compassion, & patience instead. I would have to stop wanting to be noticed, seen, understood & loved by people who do not invest the same energy into me. I had to focus on my belief in myself, the people who loved me, and to practice at a minimum, faith in everyone, without shaming them for not living up to that all the time. My Idol is my higher spirit & best self. This helps me be accountable & growing. Some will grow with you, others will grow away from you. Regardless of who stays & goes, you got to keep growing, healing loving & finding peace in faith for all.