FOUR generations together and FOUR good days in a row. These are MAJOR achievements for me. When I took these photos on Saturday I was having my third good day IN A ROW, for the first time in a year! And then I had a good day on Sunday too. Then things crashed, but I don't need to think about that right now because before this string of bliss (which is less actual bliss and more a total relief from pain) I had only had 2 good days in a row, and that only happened ONCE. Gosh I used to take normal moments for granted. I look at other people and I’m so envious of their normality. I hate to admit it, but it’s the truth. I want to pinch their brain. My standards have certainly shifted. Each new week offers up new thoughts, feelings, appointments, therapies, scans, blood tests, conversations, emotional releases, but most importantly new experiences and new milestones with Leo. I read something on instagram that I found really quite hopeful yesterday... “It's funny how day by day nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different." C.S. Lewis It's so true. I struggle to look back with a rational mind. I either shut out the past and try to just get on with what's in front of me, OR i'm totally consumed by the past and feel like i'm still living in that exact moment. That's why I shut down therapy for 6 months to try and get on with life without going over the dreaded past. My relationship with the past is a work in progress. Yesterday I had progress. I had a moment where I was sat in the garden and I looked at the plants and remembered a time when the only thing I could do in an ENTIRE DAY was walk into the garden and dig a small hole to put a single plant in it. NO JOKE. Now I have a whole row of flourishing plants. My brain is slowly opening up this bank of torturous memories in the hope that I can process them normally. There are some real SHOCKERS OF MEMORIES TRAPPED IN THERE 🫣 you wouldn’t even believe. Like waking up thinking my legs had been amputated. I have also got over my fear of time. I can accept that Leo was born 9 months ago. Big win. I also had a thought that actually felt like I was excited about a day in the future. I can’t