I have discovered what I was seeking outside of myself to complete me was within all along. I have become who I was hoping would come and save me. I spend so much time holding people in their feminine surrender that I rarely ever experience my own. My work asks me to cultivate an unwavering connection to my divine masculine. The polarity between my subjects and I is imperative. Creating an energetic force field of trust, safety and protection so that she can be fully expressed. As though not a single cell of fear has ever been perceived. It's about energetics as much as it's about logistics. Business accounting, managing schedules, booking flights. Structure, consistency, control. All summer I longed for a feeling. To fully release into my divine feminine flow. I wanted a person, place or thing to lead me into this experience. I wrote it down. I prayed for it. I told my friends about it. My therapist too. Even the deli cashier. I did not deny myself the desire, I did not judge myself for it. I sought it out. Externally. Like it was a quest. With purpose, drive and a plan. I hope you're catching the irony. I sat in a recorded meditation where I was asked to walk up a staircase with my spirit guides. A giant lion made of heavenly white light and outlined in wisps of gold, radiating a warm yellow aura appeared to lead the way. He's been with me the longest. Lifetimes, certainly. The mermaid, the whale and Mary Magdalene hung above us; humbled to allow space for Lion's teachings yet eager to show up in support of me. We began our ascent in complete silence, either we were floating or not even footsteps make noise in the ether. I placed my hand on his back worried that it might slip right through, like when a plane flies through a cumulonimbus cloud, surprised when it didn't. I waited with an ease and comfort in the quiet until he parted his lips to congratulate me for my embodiment of him and joked about how a lion can't get any more proud but I'm testing his limits. He told me to move from the heart, to continuously bring it all back to love in every moment. [continued in the comments]