SEE YOU IN RWANDA! (ON BEING BROWN, 2022) I think I was seven years old when a white kid called me "paki" during a sunny afternoon of school athletics. I launched into a flying kung-fu kick, instinctively, and the boy with rabbit front teeth got what he deserved. Like Rishi Sunak, my parents came from abroad — specifically, the Commonwealth, specifically South Asia, specifically the former British Empire — and put me into private schools, a decision that defied financial good sense, and resulted in many years of crushing debt. Like Sunak, I too had the privilege of attending Oxbridge. I don't remember receiving any racism there, and there were, of course, plenty of nerdy brown students, fulfilling their destinies as academic over-achievers. A piece in nplus1 entitled "White Indians" argued that hard working, industrious, educated South Asians are able to "white pass" in America in ways that blacks, systemically, can't. The White Indian — despite the prodigious setbacks of 9-11 — is the "Good Immigrant." Just look how many of the top tech companies are now lead by Indians. Prithi Patel, as UK Home Secretary, channeled the most vile, dehumanising traditions of British Conservatism, gleefully initiating the Rwanda initiative, where unwanted bad immigrants will be extradited and expelled to. Her brown successor, Suella Braverman, is just as fascisty. Is it racism when Ye spouts anti-black rhetoric? It is racism when brown cabinet ministers propagate racially discriminatory policy? I recently discovered what "Brown Noise" is, and it might also be the name given to how brown-on-brown violence works across religion, caste and nationality. And while I have been the beneficiary of relatively low levels of racism compared to innumerable others for whom such experiences dictated their past, present and future, I refute the notion that any representation is worthy representation. When William H Gass wrote "On Being Blue" he didn't have the Tories in mind, but, Sunak is first and foremost blue, not brown, and blue brown may, in some inextricable way, serve whiteness better than whiteness does itself.