I had dreamed & hoped for a home birth. I only shared that hope with people who I trusted (bc of negative reactions) but I always said, “...that is my hope, but I hold it open handed with whatever God wants.” I knew this birth would require surrender, but had no idea to what extent. • In the beautiful care of @havenbirth I found out I had Complete Placenta Previa on week 22. It hit me like a ton of bricks hearing about all the possible things that could happen. I grieved the hope & dream I had for my first baby & was covered in prayer by family, coworkers, my doula @thewholemother_ , the Haven staff, & close friends. • I had to transfer to their OB for week 28 & on. It was whiplash. Sweet peaceful comfortable office visits at Haven were replaced with long wait times, cold walls, & quick conversations. But, thank God for a Dr who was truly kind hearted, understanding of my ‘crunchiness’, & above all respectful to hearing my voice. I surrendered once more. • Thankfully I made it to week 36 without any of the fearful issues many woman with CPP have. Then I faced my scheduled C-section. From week 22 to 36 ‘...for His glory’ kept ringing in my head. Knowing He was writing my baby girl’s story. • I went into the operating room alone, got a spinal tap in, & laid down. My legs straight & my right arm out with tubes attached, & before Joel came in they lifted up another part of the table for my left arm to be stretched out on — & it sank in. Full surrender. • I didn’t know for a c-section that I’d be laying on a cross shaped table. I surrendered to it, knowing I was laying down my own body, being cut through 7 layers, to bring my baby earth side. Tears came down my face. I have no idea the weight that Jesus held on that cross for the world... it makes me weep when I think about it having that experience. • There’s so much more to this story, but this is to honor every mom who hoped for different but did the bravest thing she could by straddling the line of BOTH AND — both wholistic & medical, both grief & joy, both life & death — it’s sacred & holy that we as mothers are invited into the Creators creation of life here. • C-section Mama, you are beautiful & capable & seen🤍