The more I seek to be understood, the more I forget what I look like. Can’t you see me? Can’t you see the pain in my eyes & the fire in my heart? Won’t you tell me I’m not alone & the fire turns my eyes green? I never wanted to be the torch bearer for bad news. The cuts keep getting deeper & I flinch, but it doesn’t hurt quite like it used to. Maybe I’m numb. Anyone that can remind me that’s a lie, does. I’d sleep more if I were numb. Her face is tired, there’s a wrinkle there & a spot here I didn’t see a year ago. Do faces shift completely over time or do they really just change slowly? Are we all just a collection of smile & frown lines until it’s our time? Can a decade really not do enough damage that I can look that young and this old at the same time? Must be good genes. & what do you do when the masks you agreed to wear finally come off? What if what it takes to survive is not only to take them off, but to burn them with a nice douse of tequila? What if you can’t convince even yourself that you’re the same person? What if everything in you never wanted to grow up? I’m too young to get excited about getting carded at the bar. The masks worn these last two years meant I could only ever show my smile lines with my eyes. When you’re almost 30 but 70 at the same time, you’ll start to look like you have a whole ocean of life in your eyes. Eye contact has always given me butterflies, are you one of these too? You’ve seen it too, right? The way the world can fall & crumble under our feet but somehow still be there in the morning. When I was at my darkest, when I was in my Hell, I woke up to myself saying “I did it.” Are you one, too? The ones this world couldn’t take yet. The ones that wouldn’t sit down yet. The ones that have some dirt under our nails & no time for Botox. Here’s to us, the humans. No matter how many years pass, I find you across the bar, across the party, across the subway, on the island across the world. & today, I have the strength to keep looking and toiling for something more than just getting out of bed in the morning. The world needs ones like us. So do me a favor. Please don’t close your eyes.