I was thinking today about going on holiday in my teens and 20s, and how much I used to dread putting on a bikini. I worried about what people would think and what they might see, and I'd scrutinise every single section of my body. Do I wax and risk getting in grown hairs? Use a razor and then have shaving bumps and have to shave every day of the holiday? What about the bumps on the back of my arms and legs? I'd worry about being pale, about sitting down and people seeing rolls, about the size of my boobs and whether or not I could find a bikini that wouldn't be too revealing so that people would think I'm drawing attention to myself. And that's not even getting into the fact my friends and I wouldn't go near carbs for YEARS! and I love pasta! It breaks my heart how much time I spent hating and judging myself. But it doesn't surprise me - we grew up reading magazines, having adults comment on how much we ate, how lucky we are to be able to eat what we want because once we hit a certain hate it's game over. We grew up in such a fatphobic society, believing that if we just shrunk ourselves a little bit more, and paid a bit more money on this lotion or supplement - we'd be happier and more worthy of love. And then when I was at rock bottom, which coincided with being my thinnest - I realised it was all bullsh*t. I wasn't any of those things and I certainly wasn't confident. I remember googling *how to be more confident*. I've become more confident realising that women are so beautiful in all shapes and sizes, that there are people making money off making us feel like shit or convincing us we have flaws, and that actually not only are people not judging us the way we think - and if they are that's a reflection of them. I genuinely love looking around and seeing women of all shapes and sizes. I love seeing cellulite and dimples and all the things we've been told to hate. But mainly, we don't have to *love* our body for how it looks - - but we can respect it & love where it takes us and what it does for us! Wish I could go back and say this to myself, but at least I can live a beautiful life free from diet culture and self loathing.🤸‍♀️✨❤️