CW: homophobia & transphobia, suicidal ideation Like a lot of my queer pals, I feel overwhelmed by the surge of homophobic/transphobic bills making the rounds RN. I also feel triggered TBH. While I was growing up, being honest wasn’t an option. I knew from a very young age that I was different - queer. I remember questioning gender for the first time. I remember trying to pray away the gay. I remember my “christian” school expelling students for suspecting they’re gay. I remember deep fear. I endured a lot because of who I was, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could end my life because I was made to feel like everything about me was wrong. My earliest memories of suicidal thoughts were at the age of six. This remained a near daily struggle until my mid twenties, when I started to set boundaries and found queer community. Don’t Say Gay was what I grew up with. Don’t even think about saying trans or non-binary. I have a lot of hate, anger, and resentment that I still live with. But I also am so thankful for the people in my life who made me feel seen during that time - and who I felt safe with. I wouldn’t be alive if I didn’t have the few, precious people who knew and loved who I was before I could say it. I didn’t come out as gay until I was 23. I haven’t been open about the rest of my identity until the last year. This is the first time in my life that I feel wholly truly myself. Despite what I’ve lost in the last few years, I’m whole and happy for the first time. Either we can all start advocating for and making space for kids to say who they are, or in 20 years there are gonna be more wounded, tired queers walking around - the ones who make it anyway. Regardless of your age, if you’re queer and/or trans your life has value and the world is better with you in it. Straight folks, never underestimate the value of loving and accepting a queer person. Im saying this because I want you all to know it took me way too much fucking work to be here today.