i didn’t realized how much i used dance to unlock the gem—the essential facets in me that are joy, goofiness, beauty, desire, & “SEX”. but mostly joy 😂 . when i was outted by my brother (he found my college facebook) he said “you know how i know you’re gay? because the way you smile” that shit broke my heart. for him. that masculinity is a deathly sad thing... aside from the fact i was wearing a rice-filled sack for boobs and heavily painted in that album, it was JOY that gave me away, wow 😢 . i think to grow up as a nb boyperson, the only genuine relationship i had with masculinity was the perpetual math problem of how to avoid violence. i think that’s a lot of ppls relationship to masculinity tbh. don’t cross your legs, don’t sing, don’t walk too chipper, and definitely don’t dance! i didn’t start dancing until i was 18 and at my first gay bar and i realized OH MY GOD I CAN MOVE MY BODY and not only that i’m wiggly and creative and fascinated by how shapes imprint into time! and it brings me laughter 😂 so much mirth to dance w friends or simply myself in the mirror! . i’m not a very confident dancer when i’m in drag (not sure why, maybe a different energy source, diff spirit), but i did once on my third day home in my suffocating family life lock myself in my room and begin to dance—mime out a drag act (mouth arms shoulders wrists twists & turns) and it was the first time i felt myself in days. it was so scary to be doing DRAG behind that thin lock but much scarier to not. it is terrifying to not be able to return to yourself. 😟 . late night dance videos are my new self soothe, which, pls oblige me 🥺. i’m a poet who learned how to do drag & goddess im synthesizing! it’s unreal unhinged unworldly & unwieldy! i realize i am exploding in every direction these days—singing, dancing, writing essays & poems, shopping, texting (but strangely not sexting 🤔) and therapizing so publicly my own fragile life! anyways, yes i made two “free dance” vids on the same night both about #LABOR lmao. this one’s for the boomers in the world and the boomers in our hearts 👴🏻📠💌 #drag #dragqueen #deboomerizeyourheart #queertraumainjuly #canistillgetpaidforthis?