I used to be afraid of taking medicine as a kid. And then I was afraid of swallowing pills and needle injections. As I grew older I get even more sick and got used to taking the medicine; pretty much left with no choice right? I didn’t want to live with a runny nose and crazy temperature forever so at one point I knew I had to bite the bullet and take it. I did take it, and felt better. But there was always a question in mind “Will I really get well after I take this medicine?” And the question grew larger when I was told to take pills just to be like a regular person with the right mental well being. I didn’t trust the pills, I even refused to take them at all because I was afraid it would change my “soul” and you can call me crazy for thinking that. But after one terrible nervous breakdown I knew I had to take responsibility for myself. I try, I really did try and I tried one pill at a time. It was hard, living with the side effects was already bad enough but getting used to swallowing tiny pills everyday and night takes time to get used to. Waiting for the meds to adjust to your body challenges all drops of patience you have left inside you. There were months I was angry, lashed out on people I shouldn’t have. Because “A normal person doesn’t act like the way I do” I have a mood disorder, I have depression, I have manic episodes & suicidal tendencies, just to name a few. I ask God, Buddha, Literally anyone. Why does this have to happen to me? I wake up the next day and I swallow the pills again. All I do is try to be well right? I look at myself now, it has been half a year since I have been taking medication and going to regular check ups with my doctor. Am I well? I cant answer that question. But I know I am slowly and surely doing what I can. Since my last suicide attempt. I’ve never appreciated every second of my life even more. I started to see the beauty in the people who really care for me and started to see what looks like 1 centimeter of movement as huge progress. It’s just unbelievable to see how far I traveled now and I will keep walking. I don’t care how far, but I will keep moving one centimeter at a time. I hope you do too, okay?