Signs of an emotionally immature parent. • We’re so accustomed to thinking that grown ups, especially those who are parents, by default must be more mature than children. However, not everyone is equipped with the tools to be emotionally mature in adulthood. Parents who are emotionally immature cannot meet the emotional needs of their children therefore contributing to a cycle. Although research isn’t clear on the exact cause of adult emotional immaturity, there is a strong association between being mistreated/abused as a child & the inability to develop parts of the brain. It can be the result of insecure attachments during early life experiences or trauma. It can manifest as self-centeredness, narcissism, or a poor ability to manage conflict. Having an emotionally immature parent can lead to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, trauma, substance abuse, and interpersonal conflict. • My mother was and still is emotionally immature. In our relationship, this shows up mainly as her inability to communicate, process, express her emotions effectively. As I learned healthy communication skills, I thought I’d use them to improve my interactions with her. But I often find myself getting caught up in her emotional immaturity rather than having the rewarding interaction I was hoping for. I had to accept that I can have a relationship with her but it won’t involve the emotional intimacy I yearned for. I can still move forward without her participation by practicing the following: • 1) Detached Observation: Observe how they behave, don’t react, stay detached emotionally & respond from a calm perspective. 2) Focus on outcome of interactions not the relationship: Manage interactions by setting goals that don’t involve emotional engagement. 3) Step away from childhood role: Your inner child will always hope your parents will change. Your job is to keep your adult outlook and continue relating to them as a separate, independent adult. You're looking for an adult relationship with them, not to re-create the same parent-child dynamics. • Do you have an emotionally immature parent(s)? How does this show up in your adult relationship with them?