Reasons we repeat what we don’t repair. • You ever feel like you keep repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns with someone in your life? Or that you repeat the same dysfunctional relationship dynamics even in new relationships? Or maybe you find yourself reacting in the same unhealthy behaviors every time you feel upset? • I’ve had so many interactions with my mother that feel like deja vu. It’s a cycle - the situation is different but the way we interact & respond to one another is the same. Sometimes, I’m able to apply the healthy skills I’ve learned to avoid having the same result but other times, I respond in the same predictable way. As a parent, sometimes it’s so difficult to stop myself from yelling, even though I’m aware that my behavior is unhealthy & won’t yield the results I want. Then, why do we keep repeating the patterns of behavior we know are toxic, unhealthy, dysfunctional? • When we experience trauma in childhood, our underdeveloped brain forms neural pathways for ways to cope with that trauma. These become deeply ingrained in us and therefore more difficult to change as we get older. *I’m stressing that it’s more difficult but NOT impossible to change* They feel familiar & comfortable, ESPECIALLY when we feel stressed. Even when we know these coping methods & behaviors are dysfunctional, they feel easier to use than to learn & apply new, healthy strategies. We may continue to recreate the same relationship dynamics from childhood as an effort to become successful at them now - like continuing to choose partners who are emotionally neglectful because our parents may have been that way in childhood. We may have internalized shame, guilt from our childhood, have low self-esteem, and deep down believe we deserve to suffer because we’re not good enough. • Undoubtedly, we will repeat what we don’t repair. This is why self awareness is so important. It’s the starting point. Once aware, you can make intentional changes, seek professional help, practice healthy strategies, create new neural pathways to override your old ones. • What’s an unhealthy coping strategy, belief, or behavior you’ve had to unlearn? Comment below 👇🏾