Nov 7 #FreshNovember What feels clear is I'm definitely not being as strict about this Daily Posting as I was last year. I'm okay with that. I'm definitely at a different capacity than I was then. If you've been around, you've probably seen this face before. This is Cashew. She loves me. Like so much it seems. Or at least that's how I interpret it. She could stare at me for hours i think. She also likes to climb on me like I'm her own personal hike or jungle gym or something. She loves to cuddle. She's cute & I love her & some times this pup works my last nerve. LAST. NERVE. Like barking in the middle of the night to go outside when I'm hungry for sleep. Like eating stuff she definitely should NOT eat. Then, of course, getting sick from eating what she shouldn't have eaten. Like waiting until I'm on an important zoom and go to unmute to start barking. Like not listening and making it difficult and hard for Danie to take her on a walk. I never know what to do with that. Like I get so frustrated and exhausted and my mind always goes to, maybe I'm not supposed to have a pup. Maybe I don't have the patience for this. If I was a good dog parent, this wouldn't work my nerves like this. Then I inevitably end up in some downward spiral of thinking that concludes in a false summary that I'm gonna be a bad parent bc children are tougher than dogs. My brain is dangerous. And so extremely critical of everything I do. EVERY. THING. It makes up stuff all the time. It's really really smart about a lot of stuff, but when it comes to ME, it'll quickly throw out some faulty logic and false conclusions and it'll have my smart ass believing them, & worried & anxious & sad. And did I mention anxious? But why brains be like that? I know it's not just my brain that does this special trickery and deception. And the lens is especially cloudy and warped for me, not when I'm looking through them at my friend's problems or other outside issues and offering support or insight. I'm sure there is some Brené Brown lesson or book or something here to look at. Thanks Brain! & thanks Cashew. You never get tired of constantly reassuring me that you love me& I'm doing fine. It's a practice.