When I was a senior in high school and the year books had come out, there was a picture of me and several friends at prom. My best friend, also in the photo, asked me "how do you look so happy?" I never really understood the question for a while. How do I look so happy? I wasn't sure. I just smiled when the camera came. I don't feel I was particularly happy or sad in that moment, but I just smiled. I often just smile. I'm not always happy and full of joy. Especially not lately. Yet there are moments on top of moments documented in photos where I look so amazingly joyful. Several of those moments from the last couple of months. I smile. And in those moments it's authentic. I feel like smiling. Sometimes I'm super happy; and then the moment passes. Last weekend I was at one of my favorite places. On land I love and that I often find super healing and nourishing. This picture captures so perfectly my mood. There was so much internal joy that I did feel in the time before this picture where I got to relax in a hammock. All wrapped up and gently swinging between two trees. Napping. But this picture was taken as my time in the hammock was nearing its end. As @ghettonerdboi snapped it. As I realized I was reentering a space that might not feel like I was being held and swayed between trees. As I sit in exhaustion and neglect. As I sit in pain but also rays of sunshine and water and land. Emotions are complicated and exhausting and I often yearn for times that feel easier. Sometimes I don't smile in pictures. And some moments I now look back at certain photos and also wonder "how do I look so happy here."