“I think we can both agree that a sale is like sex and kittens—if you don’t like them, you must be a commie. That’s why you need to make sure that timer on our site doesn’t hit zero before you’ve taken advantage of our big Labor Day sale. Because then, it’ll be too late—the discounts will be, well, you know... *slashes throat with finger* So click the link in our bio to shop now and save up to 30%: And no, we won’t be extending the sale, faking that our servers crashed, or offering procrastinators another bite at the apple. This is really it, padre. So don’t dilly-dally, shilly-shally, or . . . be a silly-Sally? Claim your discount now. Do it. IT IS YOUR DESTINY.” —Mike @muscleforlifefitness CEO of Legion