hey y’all . i hope everyone is warm and at peace wherever they are at the moment. the last couple of months have been incredibly transformative for me. i’ve dealt with anxiety in a way that i didn’t know how to deal with, and i realized i wasn’t raised with the tools to deal with it either. i found myself being immobilized, not just by the virus but also my own thoughts, my feelings, how i was being seen and most importantly, how I saw myself. Am i too angry? and i not angry enough? what does my silence mean? am i articulate enough to be able to represent, myself? am i good friend? why do i feel so hurt all the time, and why can i never maintain meaningful relationships? i feel like i’m always waiting for people to get exhausted of me and leave. exhaustion. why am i so tired? am i doing enough? i should be doing better. i should be working harder. am i being understood? i’m too sensitive. No one should be this sensitive. but how can i not be? i see myself dying in images everyday. how do i grieve? what is mourning? why does death surround me so much, when i never call for it? why does sadness suffocate me so much when i never yearn for it? is my gender identity all people see me as? i should call my mother. I should be a better son..daughter..child. I constantly felt trapped by this constant stream of consciousness and i’ve been hopelessly wandering. Recently, I lost all of my work on my hard drive that i hadn’t backed up in years. I kept a lot of music and didn’t release it because I was anxious. I’m realising that in order to change patterns, healing has to start. I’ve been working on healing, on understanding and on getting better. music, for me, is healing, and i’d love to share it with you. This song was written describing the uneasiness and heavyness of a panic attack. if you swipe, you can hear the song in full or click the link in my bio to hear it on soundcloud. it’s called ‘breathe’. thank you for waiting. prod. by: @lil__puca co. prod/mixed/written: me artwork: @paul_kerney photography: @caribe_lunar