One month tonight since the last time I communicated with my Joe. One month since I’ve been at my home in my own bed near the living breathing beautiful Joe. I’m grateful I woke up super early the last time I saw him while he was getting ready for work. I’m not normally up at 5, but I was in the mood to spend a quiet morning with him before he rushed to the farm and before I caught a plane to the Bay to investigate an alternative wedding venue and then head to Reno for my bachelorette party. There was nothing special or different about that morning other than being unusually perky that early. I watched him rush around making his PG Tips in his yeti mug and make a turkey lettuce roll up thing to eat at work. I gave him lots of kisses and hugs and even a dramatic finale kiss after he was out the door (I made him come back again!) thinking it would be a few days till I saw him again. I’m dying to know why this happened to us, to his family and friends. I’ll never know why, there is no reason this happened. Just popping by to share my struggle as I have no idea what else to do with this endless intense agony and daily horror that continues to reveal more and more of itself. Im realizing it is important for me to share with anyone who cares about me, how big this is, how important and special he was to me and so so many others. A special thank you to my friend @swansienna for gifting me this special rescue pup Spanky-Joe who is saving my life right now. Also thank you so much to the Haener’s for letting me flop around their farm with no plan, forcing them to lay on the lawn in the night to soak up the full moon beams, the Blanchards for letting me flop with them and cry on their poofs with Spanky-Joe and all my Angel machine friends and family who are continuing to check on me. This is my first time suffering this way and I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going but I feel very loved by you all ♥️