Today in school I am learning to milk a cow with my mind. I was late to class, 2 hours, and got stuck with the most reluctant cow. At least we understand each other and would never force anything. Cooper Union has been keeping cows in the auditorium for weeks after the results of a student poll revealed that we are learning very few practical skills. Tending to the animals has become the least desirable work study task. The cows are uncomfortable in the hierarchy imposed by the auditorium; it’s causing them to shit constantly. Bizarre and unbearable shits that the students suspect to be sentient. The latest headache is that the cows keep ambling down the rows of seats but get stuck because they are too big to turn around. They haven’t learned yet that they can just walk all the way through.