When you're struggling with motherhood and try to talk about it... I really love being a mum now that Alf is a toddler, but I've made it no secret that I struggled a LOT from 6 - 12 months. It's like the exhaustion caught up with me, and then coming out of lockdown made me realise just how much life had changed. Alf was waking up every hour at night, I was delirious trying to work and function, and he still wouldn't take a bottle which meant I was breastfeeding on demand and unable to share the load. I just remember feeling so trapped and lonely, at times I felt like I didn't want to be here anymore and then I was riddled with guilt - at one point I didn't see my friends for months (until I told @stephaniebv and @charlottedecarle how awful I felt and they hired a car that day and drove to come and see me). I remember meeting up with a friend and watching her eyes glaze over as I talked about Alf. Oh god, I thought, I've become the person I never wanted to be, the one who is talking about her baby all the time. She then said "so what else is new?" And I remember desperately trying to think of something else - anything else - I had nothing. I hated it. Last year I remember working with Maltesers on a campaign (they do loads with maternal mental health) and I'll never forget the stats that 1 in 10 women develop a mental illness during pregnancy or within the first year after having a baby - and 7 out of 10 of those women will hide or underplay the severity of that illness. I get it. Because often we aren't very good at just listening or reassuring. We want to give our own (often unsolicited) advice or experiences (which are all so unique). My whole experience and journey into motherhood made me realise how important it is to just be heard. To be the friend that Steph and Char were who just came over and listened. It's made me just feel so passionately about being there for mums because I had no idea about the invisible journey people go on in the transition to becoming mothers. The societal expectations. Anyway, I'm here watching Alf play and my heart is happy. Sure there are challenges, and life is busy: but things move quickly and get so much better. ❤️