25 today 😤🫶🎂 Ngl this has been the worst year of my life emotionally haha. I’ve done absolutely everything I could’ve dreamed of and yet some part of me feels like a waterless well. Echoing back every hollow interaction I have with some LA industry worker talking up how much they matter to someone I’m condescendingly told I should know but don’t. Usually I’m very good at giving love despite the overwhelming passive aggressiveness. But recently, I’ve noticed I’ve developed scars in the realm of connectedness. I hold back what I reveal about myself in spite of the competitiveness others bring forth in the space of compassion. I stay at home instead of go out because I can’t give energy I’ve been conditioned to believe won’t be returned. I just don’t have fun in the same way anymore. And no matter how many different versions of “why does everyone annoy me” or “why do I feel unfulfilled” I search up in google, I can’t blame everyone else for making me feel bad when it’s MY life. I have to take accountability for what I’m feeling. And I’m depressed haha. And that’s ok because it happens. I know I’m content under the wave of sorrow. Because I’m lucky enough to trust that I’ll get out of it one day. It just sucks because I want to be there for everyone I love and I want to be a positive, crazy, lunatic who bounces off all the walls. And that’s been diminished lately. Because of key relationships I held dearly in the past that turned sour. So I’m sorry for not being as present to all of you as I usually am. I’m sorry I’m not answering calls and avoiding hanging out. I’m just going through something. And that’s cool I hope. Because I’ll come out of it as a better friend, crazier, and more driven to achieve what I want to achieve than ever before. Jumping hurdles is fun. Even when you crash into them and get bruised as hell. Ill jump again after I heal ok mamas 🤩